The leaving part

We planned this trip because we want to travel. We’ve been anticipating the exciting places we will go and the things we will do there for months, in fact its been a couple years at this point. I have numerous times caught myself thinking about what sitting down on that plane will feel like. How ecstatic I will feel when it is finally happening. But as the date has crept closer a new reality has set in.

Leaving is hard.

I’ve been preparing for the details of leaving the country. I’m wearing my shoes right down to the end of their life- why would I buy a new pair just to leave them here? We planned for our lease (at the beginning of this year) to be up, right when we needed it to be. We’ve evaluated big purchases and little ones under the umbrella of, will we take this with us, or will it be worth leaving behind? I’ve known that these details were coming and I’ve been preparing for them.

I told my job of 4 years that I would be leaving almost 8 months in advance so that I could start preparing to train a replacement. We carefully laid out arrangements so that it would be a fluid transition when I go.

My close friends and family have known that this was in my plans for quite some time. They celebrated with us when our visa’s were approved, when we bought our plane tickets. We’ve been taking full advantage of our time in town- knowing that we will soon be gone and without the easy option of driving across town to visit or hangout. But none of these preparations have made the reality go away.

It is hard because as I have told more and more of my regular customers that I am going, I have come to realize how much I am going to miss them, and our short and friendly exchanges in the early morning.
It is hard because this week I said my first goodbye to a coworker I will not see again before I leave. I know that I will have to say many more goodbyes, but I don’t feel ready.

It is hard because I have poured my love and investment into this little coffee shop and I have to leave it now. Along with all of my girls who work there, the ownership who has pushed me to be a better employee and manager, and the customers who I truly care about.

It is hard because I have never been away from Boise for Christmas- and it makes Thanksgiving so much of a bigger deal when you know that you’re going to miss it. By the way, one day is not enough time to celebrate a holiday with family. Especially when you are splitting the day in half. I’m filing an official complaint on that one.

It is hard because I love Boise. I love that I have grown up here, watching new buildings change the skyline of our downtown. Exploring the allyways and streets. Things are going to change while we’re gone…. I won’t be here to see it!

It is hard because our friends are a crucial element to our world. They are a primary priority for me. I struggle to find words on how hard it is to leave our friends. We are lucky to have such a supportive and loving circle of people around us. We’ve shared everything from movie-like memories of laughter to sickness to heartbreak and celebration. It’s hard to leave our friends.

I know that this is something I want to do. It’s something I’ve been, not always patiently, waiting for and now is finally my time. I am so excited.

But I haven’t been rushing to get to the departure date. Because I know that it will come, and I am taking in all of my time here with appreciation. I am aware that things will change while I am away. I’m struggling to accept that I will miss out on many things. I’m soaking up all of these memories and moments with my friends, family, coworkers and customers. With my cat that obviously cannot come with us. (Don’t worry he is going back to my parents house- his rightful home).

I think mostly it is hard to be so aware of the closing of a chapter in life. Even when I know that the next one is going to be grand. I have loved where I have invested my life in the past few years- which means that I am lucky enough to have something hard to leave.
I have been telling people: I am excited to go- I’m not excited to leave.

Leaving is  just hard, you know?



3 thoughts on “The leaving part

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